Peeping Through... And The Veil Is Removed...

It's just another day. A normal day. No hype. No fireworks. No butterfly in the stomach. In another 5 hours time, the new calendar will be put into good use. The old one will be tossed into the rubbish bin. I don't even have a planner. Roughly, I know what's the mundane stuff that I have to do. That's just a rough idea. Whatever happens in between, what kinda people I'm gonna meet, new faces... I'm not very sure about that. I have surprises every year. Walk into different situations every year.

Here I am, lying down on my belly typing away in the dark with the curtains down. The curtains in our house have never been up. The first time any of us had a good look at the windows was when we first shifted in then the rest was history. The whole body is aching and I've just vomited out a whole load of expensive dinner from yesterday. Stomach flu? I tried a pre-run on Monday morning and managed to make three rounds of runs after months of not exercising. The body wasn't going well with that. I'm not 15 anymore... *sigh* 

I'm not that sure why am I not looking forward to year 2014. Part of me is but another part is not. I stare at my work schedule and I've cut off a big chunk of classes because I'm very tired of working every day and trying to please people and follow the whims and fancies of people who couldn't care less. I know what I want in year 2014.. and I'll make it happen come what may... but then I can only plan. The rest will still be in God's hands. But I know my Father in heaven will grant me my wishes. I want to spend more time with my hubby and mi mama. I want more time for myself instead of doing things for other people all the time. No, I'm not being selfish. 

You know about making resolution. My new year resolution is still the same...which is not having one at all because I can't even keep to one. I had a talk with hubby about trying not to care so much for other people and be more stingy instead of generous. Hubby says I'm not created that way... I have a big heart to give but not everyone appreciates it. Hubby is right... I hardly say NO to people... if I say NO, at the end of the day, I will die of guilt, it will literally drive me with so much guilt that I will take back my words and do extra to cover my guilt of saying NO... and how not to care when you know you're able to make a difference?

Hubby is having a change in work environment already... and I've been waiting for that for many years. It makes me ponder how a person like me who has no patience at all, has waited for many things and changes in events for years. Year 2013 has been a wonderful year with ups and downs but it has been one really good and blessed year. Blessings were overflowing and we were living a really good life under the Lord's grace and blessings. It has just dawned on me that I have finally have the big house that I wanted. I'm living in it. For the whole year I thought waking up and walking down the stairs was just a dream. God has never failed to keep to His promises but many a times, I have failed to obey Him. I have failed Him in so many ways that it is laughable to come out with the resolution that I'm gonna finish the Bible in one Year. I have finished the New Testament in one month but I'm still stuck in the Old Testament. 

So what really matters after so many years of living? Listen to King Solomon. It's chasing after the wind everything that we have done. At the end of the day, it's our relationship with God that matters most. I want to be a better wife to my hubby. He has been a really wonderful husband. And I want to spend more time with mi mama. Mi mama seems to have more interesting activities after retirement compared to me. 

Anyway, if you have had a rough year in year 2013, do not lose heart. It will be better next year just that sometimes we forget to count our blessings, one by one...