Torn in Between...

I'm just so lost with where has all my time gone to? I was kinda amazed with myself like last year... how did I manage to keep this blog up with so many updates? Now, I have to sacrifice my sleep just to write a short article. It's always sacrificing the beauty sleep away like I want to bake but in the end I have to sacrifice away something that I have to do. How did I manage to go to the gym last time and at the same time cook up a storm in the kitchen? I cannot seem to understand but it seems like time is getting shorter and shorter or should I say that time flies away so fast you don't even realize that half the day is gone yet you haven't tick away any boxes from your to-do list. 

I'm torn in between the things that I like to do yet I can't seem to find the time to carry it out at all. You cannot imagine how much I enjoy going to the gym. I loathe running on the treadmill but I love every equipment with weights. But now... the only thing that builds my muscle up will be carrying that heavy pot of soup from the stove to the table. *sigh*

Then, I do want to spend more time in the old house where I have everything within my reach. I just need to move an inch or two from the corner of the mattress and lo-and-behold, I have my books in hand. The computer is really fast back in town but the computer and the Internet service in the new house sucks big time. Yeah, time to get wi-fi but I'm having second thoughts about that.

Having a wi-fi in the new house means I will be spending more time doing unproductive things. I find that I still have a monster in me that is addicted to chatting. I have the gift of the gap, for that you can't blame me. I really wanted to keep this blog alive and kicking as it's the only medium for me to vent all my frustration and talk to my hearts contend. I have my full freedom of speech here without having to open my mouth and waste my saliva talking to a wall. 

Then, I wanted to stitch once again but where's the time to do that? Where has all my time gone to? I find myself waking up in the morning and by the time I end my working hours, I'm looking into the round yellow moon or I'll be looking at the pitch black sky.... time... time... where art' thou....

I need 8 hours of sleep a day to keep myself from being grumpy and verbally abusive. Sleeping for 8 hours means I have to hit the pillow at 11pm when I'm still driving back from somewhere you'll not want to know. By the time I reach home and take a seat staring at the beautiful DIY wall clock, the needles of the clock are inching towards midnight. I think I owe sleep bank millions of hours.

I need a new hobby to keep myself entertain. New hobby... that's laughable... can I have more time please? I even stopped going for jet-skiing because the sea is too far from the house, talk about staying on an island. I stopped reading because I can't find the time to even finish a chapter in a week. I fall asleep before I can even turn the page. If the story is really interesting, I'll be reading yet worrying about how to wake up the next day when I haven't even sleep.

I've been restless today... something's not right somewhere which I couldn't put my fingers to.... 

The only thing that I'm passionate about these days will be cooking. I find much joy slaving in the kitchen and I find greater joy in sharing all those yummy delights with people I'm comfortable with. It's more blessed to give than to receive... that I can totally understand...

 

Marriage According to Me...

I'm legally married. Not many know about that maybe it's because I haven't taken my wedding photos and I don't seem to be in a hurry to do so, which I'm not sure why. I can't seem to find time to do anything that I like for the whole day. Age is just a number. That's what I believe in but most people frown upon learning about my husband's age, some laughed so hard that I felt like punching them in the face. Talk about being open-minded, people here are just as narrow-minded no matter how open they think they are. Anyway, it's us that matters, not him, not her and definitely not them, whoever they are, I wouldn't and couldn't be bothered.

My husband is my one friend who knows everything about me. I know I'm not like any other typical wife who submits to the husband to the point of losing oneself. Neither am I one who cleans after the mess. And I'm definitely not one who keeps quiet when things don't go my way. I'm selfish but at the same time I'm not. You have to know me very well to judge me but none of you have the rights to judge me unless you're God Himself. My husband's level of tolerance is very high, so high that he allows me to do things as I wish. Yes, I'm pampered and spoiled, to that, I have no shame in admitting. All my life, I've been pampered by others.  Oh, let me rephrase that. All my life, I've found favors in the eyes of people whom I come in contact with. Being married is not a bed of roses, anyway I don't even like roses. Roses have thorns on their stems.

We fought a lot when I didn't get my way... and I can be very violent, not the other way round. I think there are others who are more violent than me that's why the cases where husbands are abused really exist. But I don't abuse my husband, don't get me wrong. We kiss... I love hugs and kisses. We text... that's so not true... my hubby doesn't even reply my texts. He will just give me a call as a reply... that's even sweeter but I enjoy texting... age difference... but that's only a minor hiccup. We argue... who doesn't... I'm highly opinionated and very vocal so yes, we do argue until he decided to back down and let me do it my way, my style. We laugh... a lot... I enjoy laughing... it just comes naturally... I can even laugh when I get scolded by others, and I laughed when the car window got smashed. We were all laughing at the police station like we've won a new car. We smile... I smile whenever I wake up and see him beside me. Those are the times that I cherish most. I can hardly get to see him when I wake up. I usually wake up to an empty bed beside me. He has to work... I do have to work too but I work at very odd hours. We love... yes, we do without any doubt... yeah... that's us.

I really don't know about those 10 signs pasted up there. Maybe because we've been together for more than a decade. Let's get this straight... maybe you're gonna laugh and love me more for being transparent:

1. I would do anything in the world for you since you are my world and my everything. I'm sorry I can do a lot of things for you but not everything. I'm not gonna do the laundry and I'm definitely not gonna wash the toilets. Nothing will make me change regarding those two matters. I have already changed my stand about entering the kitchen. I know I'm doing a great job in the kitchen and I know if I'm to be in charge of the laundry I'll do a great job, too... but I simply refuse to do that. 
2. I miss you even before you leave... that's true... on those rare occasions when I was awake before you left for work, I have already missed you. I wish you don't have to go to work but just stay at home. I'm more than willing to work and earn the silver coins.
3. Just by hearing your voice, I get butterflies and can't help but smile... that was like so long ago... I'm sorry I scream at you whenever you call to check on me... but you have to know you called at the wrong time... always at the wrong time... you called when I was cooking, called when I just left the house and driving like an F1 racer, dodging traffic... you called when I was working and without knowing it, you have cut off my train of thoughts.... and you NEVER call whenever I'm waiting for you to call...
4. I am on cloud nine just the way you smell... eerrr... nope... I smell better than you even when I'm sweating...
5. Whenever I am with you or look at you, nothing else in the world matters. I am blind to everything but you~! NEGATIVE~! I'm not blind... and I'm not blinded by anything... whenever I look at you, I want to snuggle for another 5 minutes, wishing that I don't have to work... and I will want to put on something nice and go out for a long walk, or maybe just sit in the house and watch movies... I don't know why I always have the notion that I'm sitting at home and not doing anything but whenever I have the chance to sit at home, I'll be out of the house in a jiffy and landed ourselves in a cinema... we both enjoy watching action movies.
6. When we are together, I never want the moment to end, I want it to last forever and ever. This one is definitely true... but it always ended too soon... I just wished we have more time together rather than work and work and work... the work seems to be never ending...
7. I re-read all our convos over and over again... nope never done such thing before...
8. Every love song I listen to, I think of you.... that won't happen and it has never happen... you know what kinda songs I like... I'm more into Hillsong, Planet Shakers and I'm a fan of Israel Houghton, Bob Fitts and Chris Tomlin.... so all those cute love songs, nah... never like them....
9. Just thinking about you put the biggest smile on my face and my heart beats faster and faster (like now) ... I think we're way past that level... Let me try to rephrase that... Just thinking about a vacation puts the biggest and widest smile on my face... you know how much I love to travel... and my heart beats faster and faster (like now) because I'm looking at the clock and it's already 1:30a.m. and I have tonnes of paperwork to prepare yet I am being unproductive by blogging right now and I'm getting very sleepy by the second... so I'm more worried about the unfinished work...
10. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I fall asleep... yes, you're the first thing I think about that's because you're the one who gives me the daily morning call or else I will definitely miss the morning class, snoring away like a log... and yes, you're the last thing I think about because you snore so loudly, I have difficulty sleeping, now you know why I have to make myself so tired every day so that I can just plonk my head on the pillow and zoom straight into dreamland without slowing down.

Yeah... I'm not alone but I sure am lonely without your snoring. I do love rolling on the king size bed and having all my soft toys but at the same time I miss you. Haih... paperwork... paperwork and more paperwork... and I love using this desktop... so it looks like I have to sacrifice you and choose over work and computer. :D

That's so true... but come to think again, we hardly have time to talk to each other. By the time I'm free, you need to sleep already and I'm left to my own devices. I miss you a lot a lot... and I talk so much... but you never want to tell me how's your day. No matter how boring it is I am still curious...

.... That doesn't sound right... does it? Hhhmmm... you're not my food source... hhmmm....

Isn't that cute? I love bears.... So in conclusion, marriage is not something that you've watched in the Hollywood movies. Those are just so not real. Life has its ups and downs and need a lot of tolerance to weather through the storms that come on and off. Why I get married? I don't know... just need to settle down I guess, having me is like taming a wild horse... or is it more like taming a wild boar... and until now I'm not even sure when's our anniversary. I can't remember whether if it's in March or in May and the exact date.  Anyway....

Thinspiration...

How thin can an inspiration be? Actually it's about being thin, not slim. By the way, being slim and thin are two different worlds apart. Being thin and beautiful, that's another topic by itself. Being thin but ugly, hah... that you have to be aware of. Thin does not mean beautiful. Fat isn't ugly as well. I came across a week-old article about thinspiration. How sick can a person be by thinking that showing off your bones means you're beautiful? It's like showing off a bag of bones... even my dog is fatter... and my rabbits are even more fleshy. 

So looks like the social networking is to be blamed for spreading thinspiration. I have a few ideas to overcome that. It's as simple as just look at your own Facebook account without clicking at others'. Clicking at others' is just like stalking the other person. And why need to edit your own photo just so that you look good in the eyes of the world? Why not look beautiful from the inside out? Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh... heard of that? Physical beauty is just skin deep. It's going to fade and wither away like those flowers. Why not just be yourself? You'll be very happy just being yourself. I know I am one happy, bubbly and cheeky person. That's why the Donkey called me a Monkey. But I'm not saying that I'm a monkey... ppleeassee... 

I'm a size 5 and has never been smaller. I have large bones so unless I dismantle my bone structure and reconstruct them then I might be a size 2 or maybe a size 0. Nonsense~! Should I kill myself for being this fat? I'm a fat baby, fat toddler, fat child, fat teenager and finally now, a fat adult. If I'm to weep my eyes out for being fat, might as well I dig a hole in my own garden and bury myself under the dying plants. Life's not like that. I believe that God made me perfect because after every creation, He said that,"It's good." He didn't say,"Ooooppsss, what a horrible mistake." Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder... even if my hubby says that I'm ugly, I will gracefully ask him to go find another prettier one. One should be bold enough to stand up for oneself. Come to look at it, I don't even have those big double-eyelid eyes. I can't even feel my own eyes on days when the sun is shining brightly and fiercely from up above. I have small Japanese eyes which I'm proud of. Dieting? Oh... I put on weight even if I'm not eating so laugh it off. Laughter is the best medicine. Who can stand the temptation of having good food? I know the people who step into my house, always ended up in the kitchen rummaging for food. Actually they don't have to rummage for food because the food will be on the kitchen top, the dining table and the stove.

How can you survive on just oranges and water for the whole day just to look thin? It's so unhealthy... imagine ending up with a stomach infested by ulcers. That would do more harm than good or you will want your tombstone to be engraved with the heading "She died a thin person after battling with being stick thin"? That's the best chicken roll ever with slices of bacon and minced pork. Oh, you just don't know how much you have miss out on food. I'm one adventurous cook, if you ever happen to step into my house, you will have the chance to try out all kinds of food. I try not to repeat any dishes as I can't stand having the same thing day in and day out. But if it's mi mama cooking, then it's different.

I boast of making the best cupcakes in town. How not to fall into this thinspiration mental crap? Just be yourself, anything that you're not happy with, laugh it off. Anything that pleases you, laugh out loud :D It doesn't hurt to laugh like a mad person but it sure hurts your abdomen for laughing too hard. May the joy of the Lord be with you... stop looking at those stick thin females in beautiful tiny dresses. It's not worth the sacrifice to be thin. Just stay healthy and happy...  

Child Pregnancy...

Hah~! What are you thinking now? If it one of my girls getting pregnant at this age, I'll skin them alive. So, definitely not from my brood. But this girl, got pregnant without any of us knowing until the babies popped out.

 

Waiting to hear about a real child pregnancy? Nah... no such case from my side here... get it from somewhere else... I'm talking about my lion-head furball Annabelle, the one with the blue eyes. She's only 3 months old... The kittens just popped out on Saturday morning. A young of a rabbit is known as a kitten. Kinda surprising to know that so many don't even know that. Or should I say it's not surprising as none of us has learn about it in school. Can't find any of it written in the English books.

 Annabelle refused to nurse them. Didn't even wanna go near her kittens. There were four but one was a still-born. Annabelle was jumping up and down as if nothing happened, and she stomped on them... *ouch* Mi mama said we were cruel to let a 3-month old to mate. And mi mama said no more child pregnancy so no more kittens for now... there's still another red-eye, Isabelle... and another black one, Panda... hohoho~! 

If those 3 kittens were to be alive and survived, they would look really really cute.... what a pity~!

The Simple Truth About Macarons...

I've upgraded myself from just merely baking cupcakes to making macarons. I don't really understand what's the craze for macarons all about. I am totally turn off by the price, a macaron costs more than a plate of chicken rice from the hawker stall. So, I've heard that it's really really hard to make macarons. How hard can it be? I thought it was really hard to bake a cake and I thought it was really hard to cook and I thought it was really hard to make delicious cupcakes with the right texture... I thought about almost everything until I've tried to make them myself...

The hardest part wasn't in separating the egg whites from the yolks... I have separated 30 eggs for a layer cake. The only difficult part would be sieving the almond flour and confectioner's sugar. That should be the hardest part, not hardest but time-consuming. 

Hey~! That's my first time using a wooden ladle to stir the mixture. I've always used the electric mixer but I just wanted to get the correct texture as I heard that it's really important to get the texture right or else everything can just end up in the rubbish dump.

 I admit that they didn't look that presentable... I'm just a first timer but the amount of sugar used will just shoot up your blood glucose level. That one small cute little macaron is a real heart time bomb compared to dim sum. People has always pointed out that a plate of dim sum contained so much fat that it's gonna clog your arteries one day and you'll die of heart attack. Eat more macarons and I bet you're gonna have diabetes and your toes are gonna fall off one by one  pretty soon. I don't understand why must they sell a macaron at RM3.50 per piece or some at RM4.50 when it's not that hard to do at all. Some claimed that the ingredients that they use are air-flown... oh... oh... how true is that? 

And all those macarons placed at the glass counter on display and for sale, how long have they been kept there? Macarons should be eaten fresh within 12 to 24 hours. If they are refrigerated, at most 3 days... so I guess everyone is made to pay for whatever that ended up in the rubbish dump... wanna know the cost price for one macaron? It's roughly around 50 cents and definitely less than RM1.

I'm not attacking macarons but I just don't like how the price has been jacked up sky high...

Graciousness Comes in Various Forms...

First of all, I don't even know how to thank the person who rescued my bag and my precious' bag. Right until now I'm not very sure how did the story go about. Someone called regarding the bags, then the bags were passed on to someone else, and from that someone else, the bags went on to someone else... but I'm very sure God is in control... they are all God's children... from Wesley Methodist Church to Reservoir Garden Baptist Church... our bags were kidnapped from one church but returned safely to another church. Every bad event will turn out to be a good. 

The only thing missing was my new Note2 charger. I tried to get the compatible charger but it wouldn't work. I wanted the white original charger... and since I can't get that, something popped into my mind...

I got myself another Note2... the pinky limited edition that I have wanted... if the charger didn't go missing, I wouldn't even bother getting another new phone...The car's back from the workshop as well with tinted glasses... don't ever try to break my windscreen and serve that culprits right for having their blood all over our stuff and dripping on the windows... next time round the car will be completely empty... no more bags in the car... not even rubbish bag.... 

In conclusion, as long as God is in control, nothing will go out of control... Amen~!