Monday, October 30, 2006

My Best Collection....

To all my Christian friends out there..Karen.... Pao Pao... Janice.... I would love to introduce this to all of you...

I just love Hillsong.

I had the most wonderful time in Langkawi as a tour agent, driver, tour guide and tourist!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Should I or Should I Not.. Undecided....

As I was going to the bank at the bankers' street ( Jalan Sultan Ahmad Shah ), I came across a newly opened place...

Wawasan Open University... founded by Datuk Seri Lim Keng Yaik... solely for working adults who didn't get the chance to study in tertiary level.

Now, I'm fighting with my inner self whether I should commit to upgrade myself with bachelor's degree or not. Should I or should I not? I'm also thinking whether I still have the ability to study or not. Whether I'll puncture halfway coz' per semester is as long as 5 months.... can I stand such a 'long' journey?

*Sigh* I tried to reason out with myself....
Pros will be...
I'll be able to have a title of my own.
I won't feel so lowly about myself for not having a tertiary education when my other friends have them.
I'll be able to go through all those assignments that I've been hearing but never experienced them before.
I'll be proud of myself if i'm able to finish the whole course.

Cons will be...
That title might not do any good to me...
I will be spending money again buying a piece of paper printed with the title...
Is the title so important?
I'm surviving without any title... I can safely say that i'm better off than other people...

So should I go for it or forget about it..

Friends... out there I need your opinion... Should I or should I not continue with it? Is a title so important when I'm not even keen on working for companies... I'm only working for myself. I shall pray about it ... that's the best solution...

Monday, October 16, 2006

The Cat and Chicken Story.

This cute kitty walked into my house and jumped up the back portion of the house. Behind the flat is the village area with lots of village chickens. This kitty saw something which made its stomach growl and its appetite to grow along with his hunting skill.

Kitty saw a hen with nine chicks. Kitty jumped down and showed us its hunting skill. Kitty was distracted with a pigeon flying over its head. It was really near to the chicks but don't know why kitty didn't attack the chicks. Maybe it just wanted to be friends with the chicken family since they're staying in the same neighbourhood.

By the now the hen has clucked for help. Kitty was actually staring at three huge cocks coming to rescue. The cock was twice the size of the kitty. Kitty had no idea what to do. The hen in the mean time was clucking for the chicks to move away from the area. The three cocks are closing in on the kitty.

Kitty just turned back and watched the hen and chicks moved away. *Sigh* Pity the kitty.

The surrounding area really looked dirty coz' its a low-cost apartment. The noise pollution exceed my limit. Thank God I don't stay here.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

A Nice Gift

There are tonnes of chocolate in my refrigerator but I just loved receiving this as a surprise!

.....from Australia. The taste just make you felt like you're floating in the air.

Elegant black packaging.... before I reached the crunchy macadamia nuts....

18 chocolaty nuts... gold packaging... if 1 a day then cannot last for a month... only half a month...

After So Long..

It's so good to have the time to cook what I loved to eat...

A big bowl of seafood porridge and a huge serving of honey chicken. Ohh.. there're a few more....

Large giant tomato prawns with devilled eggs... egg yolks added with butter, pepper and paprika. Very mouth watering.

Killing Over Food...Believe It Or Not?

Introducing the chef... Janice aka the carnivore....

Heh... so happy. Everybody should know what you've done. She just put this into my dinner.

She even invited another carnivore to enjoy the food. But in the end, both hungry people ended up killing for the food.....

The hostess ended up in a terrible situation. Ai Ling won the battle. She happily took the photograph of the food not prepared by her to tell the world she's the best chef ever... With a dirty smirk plastered on her face....


Janice... thanked your mom on behalf of me. The chicken lasagna is the first and the best I've ever tasted. I just loved it! Delicious! Yummy! Can't find the word to describe how good it melted in the mouth.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Finding Financial Peace

Spending Money Wisely
See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land that the Lord has swore he would give to your fathers - to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob - and to their descendents after them."
Deuteronomy 1:8
What is given is not automatically yours.
The land will not be possessed without a battle.
You are called to possess the land WITHOUT.
Always remember where we started. Remember how hard when first started. Never be proud.
You are called to possess the land WITHIN.
Faith extends God's authority in every area of our living.... internally and externally. Have faith in God for a successful live.
There are challenges from WITHOUT.
Possess the land.
1st Settle Your Heart, Not Your 'Debt'
The search for significance and contentment.
To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said,"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
John 8:31-32
1)Self worth = performance (own action) + others' opinion
2)Self worth = God's truth about you
The first choice will make you a slave to the world. You will never find the true meaning of life and some might end up in depression.
The second choice is my choice. Leave everything in God's hands.
Finding Contentment
But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
1 Timothy 6:6-10
Satisfaction with one's possessions, status or situation is contentment.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
So we say with confidence," The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Hebrews 13:5-6
How To Spend Money Wisely
1. Have the respect for money.
If you have RM100, you bought a pair of jeans for the brand sake, you will have no more
RM100 to spare anymore. Think before you buy. Always ask yourself, do you really need it?
2. Understand NEEDS, WANTS and DESIRES.
Needs = essential items
You need to put the food on the table. You need to clothe yourself. You need money to run the
household. You need petrol to travel.
Wants = items which you are eyeing on
You wanted a pair of Nike sneakers. If it is within your means, then get one! But if you have to
borrow from your friends the every single dollar, then shelf that plan away. If you want
something, get it within your budget.
Desires = coveting for something
You desire to own a BMW. Weigh this first, by driving a Kancil and BMW, it will still bring you
from A to B.
You desire for a holiday in Disneyland in Florida. Think about this, the exchange rate will make
you work like a cow when you're back from the holiday. Is it worth every single moment? In
the end it still become history in your life.
You desire for a bungalow. There are only 4 person in your family. Can you stay in every
single angle and are you really taking up so much space? A home is a place of shelter, more
like a resting place for those who spend much of the time in an office or out on the road. In
the end, your maid will enjoy staying in the bungalow more than you do.
4. Focus on fulfilling those things that matter the most.
Stewardship must result in both joyful giving and spending, if it is to be regarded as good and

Friday, September 22, 2006

What Am I Doing?

I have never wanted to teach. Never in my mind will I want to be an educator. But looks like God led me to teaching. I really love the kids and I get along very well with the teenagers. I find that my words to them meant a lot and they listen to me more than anybody. So, I do not regret knowing them. But a death among them has really extinguished the flame in me.

I seek for other opportunity. But I can't just throw away everything and leave them stranded. I'll still continue to teach but I will want to spend some time on other matters as well. I prayed and seek and everything just came to me.

Accounts Manager for Mobile Prepaid Convenience in Mobile Money International....
Senior Consultant in Herbalife....
World Smart Travelling Agent....
Business Partner with Telekom Malaysia....

I have many more but I will only concentrate in these four.
I will the help of all of you who are my friends, refer your friends who are seeking for business opportunity, lead them to me.

Those who want to make hotel bookings for international or local holidays do let me know in advance too. I can get you a lower rate than what you're offered. Flight bookings can be done too... but obviously not a last minute booking.

Fancy carrying a mobile phone with your state code? Let me introduce you to mobile homeline. You can use iTalk by topping it up yourself at a discounted rate.
Let yourself be a mini telecommunication shop. Reload for yourself and others and get to earn some commission....

Where am I heading in 10 years time? I don't have to worry. Business opportunity is everywhere. So refer those who are seeking for financial freedom to me. Thanks a bunch! Love you pals!


A day where everyone went crazy and started snapping photos....

Seriously can't blame the craziness going on. Some of them are even capturing videos. For whatever reason, nobody knows. Give them some quality time to be their true self. Nobody can sit there and study for hours and pretend to be studious... Give them some credit for attending classes even on rainy days. I'm such a good educator!! HAHAhahaha~ :P

These two are just so lovely... cheeky and smart!

I think I'll just put in a few more pics.... tak larat nak load already.

There still more cute faces but looks like I cannot liao..... very tiring writing blogs.

Janice Went to Spa

This is such a 'wonderful' place to be at. Small pond, greeneries here and there, well placed stones, beautiful environment which created freshness in the air. Janice, you surely 'looked' happy and glad to enter the spa. That robe really made you looked like you're an apostle having walked a thousand miles in the desert with your camel. You just can't belief your eyes that you manage to find the region with oasis and water is the only thing you have in mind. Don't worry!! I'm there to share your 'joy' with you.

There... we are the happiest friends around. Celebrating your success in seeking water, the essential need for survival... And not to forget another person, the First Lady in your life and the diamond in your heart....

It's your mom! You took your mom to the SPA! You're such a wonderful daughter, gal.

*SIGH* I've never been to a spa. And I doubt that Janice have ever been to one too. Actually, Jan went for colonoscopy and we were there to cheer her on. Wasted half a day of unproductive time at the so-called spa. In conclusion, I still don't have positive remarks to make for private hospitals. To me, they are not sincere in treating patients but they are just blood-suckers, trying to earn from sick people. Next time don't rob the banks, rob the hospitals. They earn more than the banks do, I guess.

PS. Not encouraging any of you to rob the banks or rob anywhere or anybody. Just giving an example. Don't misinterpret.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Mysteries Upon Mysteries

I've come across a few situations, real-time situations but seems like very far from reality. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the real person. Really make me go bonkers...

Situation 1:
I know of this lady, Agnes, who rented me a place. The name of the house owner is not even her name. It's somebody by the name of Mr. Tan..... Agnes determines the amount of rent to be collected and did not give a single cent to Mr. Tan. She used up all the money. When I asked who's the real owner, she said that Mr. Tan is a kind uni lecturer who gave the house to her. Funny! If want to give her the house why not change the owner's name? But a stranger giving another person a house?? It really makes me wonder. I'm not even sure whether I will want to present a house to my very own biological sister let alone give it to a stranger or even a friend? (scratching my head).

Situation 2:
This lady, Agnes, has an aged mother. She told me her mother usually goes shopping 4 to 5 days. My jaw almost dropped when I heard that. I'm not sure whether to laugh it off or just stare blankly like an idiot. Then she told me her mother has been gone for shopping for a month in Komtar and didn't come home. Is her mother suffering from Alzheimer's disease. She should have report to police under missing person department.... but true enough how to tell the police ar? "Ibu saya pergi membeli-belah di Komtar selama 4 atau 5 hari. Tetapi kali ini pelik sikit, pergi membeli-belah selama sebulan. Rasa-rasanya sudah hilang atau sedang bersiar-siar di kota Georgetown." ARGH!! She asked me to help her, but the more I think the more headache I have. I don't think I can help.

Situation 3:
This Agnes has a son by the name of Simba. Simba looks 100% Chinese but Agnes' husband is an Indian. Simba doesn't resemble his father at all. Is Simba Mr. Murugan's son or Mr. Tan's son? Is the house given to compensate Simba? Okay... my imagination is running really wild. Simba is only in standard 1 but speaks like an adult... can even do Form 1 Maths... faint! I really faint!

Situation 4:
Agnes' husband, Mr. Murugan is a captain of a ship, sail around the world, shipping contennas. Mr. Murugan is supposed to retire last year but insisted on working on contract with the shipping company... funny... doesn't he miss the land? Why insisted on going eventhough his age is not really permitting him to go? But every month Mr. Murugan will send Agnes ALL his salary. I've only seen Mr. Murugan once. Sounds like he's running away from home.

Situation 5:
Agnes is a real genious... but the way she looks at me really make me squirm. I can safely say that she's the only person who can scare me out of my wits. She is holding more than 5 degrees. She just finished one. She can think of the unthinkable. When I started talking to her, she's really loud and I'm always shivering in fear that her voice will swallow me whole. She can talk for hours and I'll be sweating just sitting with her.

Lastly, I managed to talk her into trying my product. She loss 3 kg within 2 days. Her body can make 5 of me so I guess her everything really scare me. Wow!! I can close her for sales but she is still a scary person.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Prevention is Better than Cure...

I think most people will agree with me about these :
  • Girls or women are willing to spend their hard earned money on their outer beauty - visiting the slimming centres, going for facial treatments, buying expensive and branded clothes just to look attractive, changing hairstyles as frequent as the style changes....
  • Buy magazines and follow the crazy diets in the magazines just to have a fabulous body - always want to look slim but in the end not slim but looks more like a skeleton... not attractive but scary looking with sunken cheeks
  • Would go on hunger just to fit into the extra small dress to prepare for a party....
  • Sending our cars and motorcycles for service and changing the lubricant oil every 5 000 or 10 000km, filling it with the best petrol so that when you accelerate, its like you're moving on air....
  • Getting the latest computer, the latest electronic gadgets to show off, the largest LCD television screen, the slimmest phone, the best MP4
  • Buying insurance for our homes, cars and ourselves.
  • Skipping meals and cutting on expenditures to get our dream house or going for a holiday which will burn a big hole in your savings

I have come to my senses that all those are only secondary. The most important is our health. You can own everything in this world but when you loses your health, in a whoosh you have NOTHING at all. Everything that you've planned, everything that you have build, everything that's surrounding you, your loved ones, your best friends... all of these become far from your reach.

My mother always tell me what is the point of getting a big house, when you die can you bring it along with you? What is the point of making so much money if you're not willing to help the poor? Splurging money is a sin. There are still many many people who can't even get a proper meal let alone buy a new shirt.

I experienced the real pain first handed when I was running to and fro to the hospital just to be with Shazmil. It's mentally and physically draining. The saddest thing is that you turn to your left, your right, all along your path, you see sick people. You can't do anything. If you bring a big bag containing cash, you still can't buy back their health. You donate a few millions to the dying person, he wouldn't want it. He wants back his health which cannot be bought with a price.

There are many products out in the market for general wellness. Organic food to those who really take care of their diets. Many more products which proved to heal deadly diseases. Which to trust? That was why it took 5 people to talk me into this. Right until now I have no regrets. I wish all my friends will be in with me to promote a better and healthy living.

Lose Weight Now, Ask Me How....

It took 5 different people to talk me into this. Tried the products and it was really wonderful. Results can be seen within the first week and for some people even after three days of trying the products necessary to shed off some fats.

It is a company which is standing strong in the States. The products have been circulating worldwide in 62 countries. Malaysia is placed at 61 which proved our Medical Board is very hard to be penetrated. Not all the products are allowed entry into Malaysia but the basic products are in.

This is a company with 17 scientists to experiment on what we eat and how to overcome our bad eating habits. Amway has been around in the market for more than 20 years but the sales turnover in 3 months is only RM3 million ++ but for this company which just came early in the year, within the first 3 months, the total turnover in 3 months is more than RM65.5million. This is really a proven and fantastic product to consume.

Within the first week, I lose 5 kg and it's still going down. I attended the Success Training Seminar and I met so many people from around the world. This is the company which has produced the most number of millionaires and I'm very determined to be one of them soon. Can you imagine it took 5 people to talk me into this wonderful company??

The basic shake contains 55 cellular nutrients. Therefore, its not only for those who want to lose weight. Those who are underweight or have been on a crash diet can even get a balanced and fit body in no time. Pimpled face and acne attack can be get rid of. Always visiting the doctors because of flu? Stop the flu once and for all. Some of you might have tried varieties of medicine to slim down or have good health, this is the best thing that I can introduced.

A church member was on the stage telling how she escaped death. She was in ICU when somebody fed her with this miraculous shake.... she woke up after a few days and she's the walking testimony that the cellular nutrients in the shake really healed her. There's no guarantee or statement that it will cure any diseases. But think about it, our cells need the nutrients which we are not able to provide.

I wished I wouldn't have been stubborn. It might help Shazmil if I wouldn't have been so hard-headed and sceptical. I will not make the same mistake anymore. Yes, I do blamed myself for not being caring enough, not being more alert and being not of any help.

To those who read my blog, tell your friends about this wonderful thing... or why not come and listen about this wonderful thing. Just drop me a comment or drop me your contact number.

Friday, August 18, 2006

I Miss Him....

He has gone for a month... but whenever I think about him, I will cry uncontrollably. I guess that's just human to do so. I will pass by his grave everyday. When it's time for his class, I really miss him... his voice, his laughter, his silly acts trying to provoke me into anger, miss him complaining about school, miss him picking up fights ... not that serious lar....

It's so hard to explain in words but I just miss him... a lot! I still argue with my inner soul that he's only 15... why now? I guess he cannot be flushed out from my system. He will always have a place in my heart.

He made me realized that in regardless of faith and race, caring for one another is very important. Nobody should be judged by his or her skin colour.

You'll always be in my heart, Shazmil... or better known as Syazwan.

Tertiary Students....

Universiti Sains Malaysia

Convocation starts on the 15th of August and ends on the 20th of August. A few of my team members whom I don't really know, headed by the team leader of course, wanted us to enter USM campus ground to introduce Mobile Money to the students and lecturers there. I went over to BCB in USM first to see the activation of Mobile Money through ATM machine. I find that eventhough the manager is also helping out to promote Mobile Money, many are very sceptical about it.

I was suppose to move together with two more members but I know myself very well. I don't work well in a team. I'm more to Lone Ranger style... coz' if I moved together with a bunch of people, when they started introducing the system, in the end I'll be the one closing the deal, so they might have the impression that I'm stealing their prospects. So not good for me. I split away from them to look for my own people.

Talking to the first two proved to be successful. My mission is to introduce mobile wallet to them by teaching them how to register on the spot and also appoint Mobile Prepaid Centre (MPC). The role of MPC is to reload prepaid phones for themselves and other people. Then of course I earned something. Just that I'm not taking a single sen from them, instead I have to send RM0.01 over into their wallet as introduction.

All the team members are chinese educated and I have studied these members for quite some time. I find that they are quite bias towards Malay people. They don't tend to explain to them, appoint them as MPC and even talk much to them. This may be due to language restriction.... some cannot even converse in Bahasa Melayu. I see that as my oppurtunity. Wherever I go, I converse well with the Malays. They understand me and I know how to talk them into something... again I'm not scamming them. I just know how to make them trust me but not still not all.

The rest of the members didn't get many prospects but I think I did quite well. I talked to a few Chinese students but that proved to be a waste of my saliva. I find it very difficult to converse with Chinese people. I don't understand.

Okay, there are a few people who are very sceptical about making payments through the cell phones and even reloading handphones and earning the commission. Some said they are very interested but when I asked them to register to the system by setting their own 6 digit PIN and also keying in their personal particulars, they freaked out. I wanted to scream at them.... "Hey! If I'm going to scam you, do you think I will give you a cent and you can even see my real name in your SMS and I'm going to appoint you to earn some cash? And worse still, you've talked to me face to face and you're not the only person who talked to me. If I'm really scamming you then everybody should have reported me! How Idi****!"

But as a good sales agent, I did not say anything. Instead, I rest my case and left my calling card to them. Hopefully they will change their minds. See in the two days that I went into the campus zone to introduce wallet, I find that highly educated people are more difficult to relate to compared to the other adults. They know that I cannot scam them but these students, I really salute them... pretend to know all when they know nuts about anything.

I spoke to a few engineering students. As a win-win situation, I have to hear his explanation about biomass fuel which I cannot understand a single thing about what's he crapping about. Then I introduced wallet to him. He let me do so, as I have said it's a win-win situation. Both get the benefit. He doesn't even know how to use the cash deposit machine and have never heard of ITalk which is so widely advertised in the newspapers and also banners and streamers can be found in the middle of the road at the lamp posts.

Some have no idea what is online banking and some cannot believe that transaction can be done over the handphone. Are they too smart to know about technology or they are just totally ignorant about things that are happening around them?

Conclusion about uni grads: The more you think you know, you actually know next to nothing.

I still keep to my principle : Experience is the best teacher in life. To be involved in it is to experienced it first hand. Learning from books are just learning the theory which can be very deceiving.

Other than Mobile Money, I'm also doing something which is contradicting towards each other. I have Redtone Plus to reload prepaid phones too. So, this is what I did. After I introduced to them wallet, appoint them as MPCs, I introduced Redtone for them to reload to other people. Most people take both, some want to stick with MPC and some want to try out Redtone first. Itulah Janice, "Sambil menyelam, minum air".

I was in there to get contacts and also to find the prospects to be my runner for other things as well. People might think I'm one cunning person, but business is business. If one is not suitable for that particular type of business, introducing another business will be beneficial for both of us. Am I money-minded? I hope not.

There are also people who are not into business at all. Don't cut out to be one in the first place. I chose the people whom I want to talk to. Some of them have it printed on their face that they really can't handle business. I tried talking these people into it and they said it's a hassle to reload phone for themselves... hah! What sort of people is this? Reload own phone also find it a hassle... then don't use phones... well, actually, some of them find using handphones is really annoying.

Whatever is it, I find it a good experience to enter into the campus zone. Just two weeks ago I went over to Polytechnic in Seberang. The students there are more open and 90% are Malays... my cup of tea....

Introducing the Latest Payment System

Mobile Money..... what is it all about?
Mobile Money consists of Hong Leong Mobile Credit Card and also Bumiputra Commerce ATM card, both in the cell phone. Application for the mobile credit card and activation of mobile money through BCB ATM machine is totally free. This is the second generation payment system which is gearing towards cashless society. Like it or not, we're heading towards that era.

With Malaysia introducing to this kinda of mobile payment system, Visa has imported its Visa Wave from Japan to Malaysia. Master has introduced its 'Tap-N-Go" system through Southern Master Card. SO silly, fighting against each other.

Telecommunication also war, payment system also at war. Can't they work hand in hand? The answer is no. WHy? Coz' its business. Everyone wants to earn everything themselves. If can't grab the whole cake, at least grab a portion of it. I think I have to learn that.

So how to make payment by using Mobile Money. It's very simple. Merchant will have an 8 digit code. User just need to send an SMS to make payment.

You're in a shop, Body Glove for example, who is the participating merchant of Mobile Money. The shirt that you bought is RM15.90. The merchant code is 95270543 (actually that's my code!) So this is what you sent..... my pin number is 123456 (example)

Send to 95270543 15.90 123456

That SMS is sent to the system's number 66123.
Immediately, user will receive another SMS, to confirm payment by making a miss call to a given number.

After the user has made the miss call, another SMS will be received.

You have paid RM15.90 to Body Glove. Balance in the wallet is RMxxxx and cash rebate is RMxxx.. Accumulated cash rebate is RMxxx.

See how cool is this payment system? After you get discount from the store, you get cash rebate for using the Mobile Money payment system. And you do not have to carry cash along with you. If somebody wants to rob you, go ahead. Give the robbers your handphone, then can't cash out our balance. Firstly because they do not know your PIN number. Secondly, those robbers who are uneducated will not know the SMS command to cash out your money. Cashing out your money will take two working days. IN that two working days, you should have reported the robbery to the police or even call up the Mobile Money Wallet Care Centre to inform them and asking them to stop all transactions until you give them further notice. Either you get back the same handphone number from your telco or change a new number.

There are many SMS commands to be learnt. The commands can be found in the website but not all can be found. The rest is in my head.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Happy Birthday, Gal!

She's 13. It's wonderful to be 13. The start of teenage life. I wish I'm 13 again. But life goes on. I'm happy with my life. Happy with the people around me. Happy with whatever that's happening in my life and whatever that's going to happen in the future... at least I know that I'm capable to move through the storm with God beside me, carrying me and within me.

Very beautiful and smart. Very bright future. Never give up! My treat for this girl and everybody that's around...

Al... give some credit to this cheesy bites... taste good but obviously not up to the price. Once in awhile and for a special occasion... I don't mind that though. Took less than 3 minutes to clear the whole pizza. How fast can that be!

I'm 13 too... forever young! Happy BIRTHDAY!!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

A Message To All...

I would like to say to all of you people who are either studying or working....
Try your best and leave everything to God.
For those taking exams, to grab for straight A's must not be the main priority in life.
To those who are working, to climb up the steps in gaining the highest post and earning the biggest salary and bonus, should not be the main priority in life too.

Life revolves around humans. Take one step at a time. Don't plan for your future. You will never know when you'll drop dead without writing a will. When you come to the bridge only cross. Live everyday as if its the last.

I'm going to tell all my students, take your exams without any pressure. I don't care anymore whether you score any A's or not. It's not important anymore. As long as you come back alive, I'll be happy to see you.

I think that should be the way. The best gift on earth is life itself. The ability to breathe in air whether it's fresh air or polluted air. The ability to share your experiences with other people. I can gladly tell myself now that I do not regret not having enter colleges or universities. It doesn't matter at all. I'm still alive and I can make a living. I'm proud of myself.

I will praise God for whatever that He has planned for me. Experience can never be bought with a price. Eventhough education is important, it doesn't have to come in printed materials.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Render Powerless, Useless, Hopeless and Helpless

13th July 2006
Thursday morning. I cancelled my class because I had an appointment with Loh Guan Lye Hospital regarding Mobile Money. That appointment was at 10 a.m. The moment I woke up, my instinct led me to the hospital to see Shazmil. My heart was not at peace therefore, I quickly got ready and rushed over to Ward C19 - Oncology.

I reached at 8.55a.m. and was almost unable to enter as it was not visiting hour. With compassionate hearts, the guards let me in. I waited at the waiting lounge as the nurses were cleaning him up. At 9.20a.m. I got to be by his bedside. I held back my tears as I could. For the first time in his life, both his hands held mine tightly... screaming in pain.... asking me to ease his pain.... I could only cry and asked him to be patient and hang on in there. I tried to make him as comfortable as he could... shifting his pillows whenever he wanted... hugging him and comforting him. I could only cry as I couldn't even help him a single bit. I felt so useless at that time. A 15 year old in my arms yet I couldn't do anything except to pray and cry out to God. I was hoping for a miracle. I called his mom when things didn't look good. His mom didn't leave him but she went back to fetch the youngest sister to kindergarten.

I thanked God for my instinct to be in the hospital at that moment. If I didn't call, the mom would have come in the afternoon. I was late for my appointment for more than an hour... but if I knew that was the last time he will be holding my hands, the last time I get to talk to him, I wouldn't want to go for any appointments at all. I promised him that I would come back during lunch time to make his milk. He couldn't swallow solid food anymore.

I was late. I reached around 1.40p.m. The moment I stepped into Ward C19, my heart almost stopped. His bed was surrounded by oncologists and nurses. His parents and aunt were there. His lungs had collapsed. There wasn't even left a single cell to let him breathe on his own. The cancer cells were too aggresive as he was at the growing period. Chemo treatment destroyed all the good cells left. So he's left without any cells to function on his own. Even with difficulties, he requested for his dad. His dad never showed up.

He was transferred to ICU in the evening. I met Janet Lee when I went over to the ICU. His dad came around 7p.m. Wasn't that already too late? He was highly sedated to reduce his pain.

I would like to thank the doctors and nurses of Genereal Hospital. They were a million times better than the staffs in Lam Wah Ee Hospital. Even when they knew there was only a slight percentage that he would survive, the doctors continued to rally for him. But Lam Wah Ee actually pushed him out of the hospital to keep its name clean!

Eventhough he was highly sedated I knew he could hear us. Its even more torturing to know that his body couldn't move an inch but his spirit was trapped in that deteriorating body.

17th July 2006
Blood started to ooze out of his mouth and nose. His kidneys and liver failed due to extreme amount of drugs given to him. The main artery in his right hand was blocked by the cancer cells. He had gangrene on his right hand. The whole body was bloated up because the blood circulation was very bad. At that moment, I was ever willing to let him go and go with God... It was so suffering to see him in that state. Again, I could only cry and asked for God's mercy to be upon him. I wanted to hug him and tell him it's okay to go and not to be scared. All actions are restricted in the ICU. And visitors were given less than 10 minutes to be there.

18th July 2006
He past away at 10a.m. after his mom hugged him. He responded with some movement. His heart stopped by itself. I'm glad its over for him. He wouldn't have to suffer anymore. I couldn't really take his death. It was too soon. He was only 15. He wanted me to take him out with all the other friends for an outing after PMR. I already agreed with him but now I couldn't even carry out that promise. I wished I had scolded him less when he complaint of having stomach pain.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Service with NO smile?

Doctors should be compassionate, giving a service with a smile, encouraging and portray other positive attitudes to patients and also their family members. I was around when the doctor came over to explain Shazmil's report. His mom wanted me to be there to try to understand what the doc had to say.

This is the first time the family encountered this disease, cancer. It's also my first time to give my support and prayer to a person with cancer. When he found out about it, he's already in the last stage. The doctor was saying how bad his situation is. He's in level 4, stage 4 of his disease. Come on, his mom can't understand what the heck the level and stage explained. His mom asked the doc and I asked the doc too, what do all those mean. My heart nearly jumped out from my chest when Dr. Leong from LWEH screamed at us. He said we should already know what's that. Hey! I thought level and stage for computer games!! He was so rude. He haven't finish screaming when I actually asked what's the rate of his survival. Farking idiot!! I really cannot understand what he was saying.... shouldn't we ask to be in a clearer position? Dr. Leong was even using all the medical terms. HEllo!!! If I know that I would have treated him myself. Don't even have to spend so much for the hospital bill. Instead of pronouncing the word 'Plutonium' he kept on saying 'Platinum'. Am I stupid or he's trying to make us feel stupid, useless and helpless? He was complaining that it was already 11.30pm and he haven't take his dinner and he shouldn't bother explaining to us further. Damn you! If you want to complain about not having your dinner, don't take it on us. You're the one who chose to be a surgeon!! Don't be one if you cannot handle it!

He told us that he'll be discharged and sent to General Hospital for chemo. The procedure in General Hospital is if you're from another hospital, you should be sent by the ambulance only then they will entertain you. LWEH knew that very well! But LWEH discharged him and asked his mother to bring him there herself. When both of them reached the hospital, GH has no idea what was going on. SO they rejected him and asked him to come back on Monday. This happened on Friday. Dr. Leong did not inform the hospital that LWEH will be sending a patient over and Dr. Leong's letter was addressed to the wrong doctor! Cut the red tape!

On Saturday I visited him at home. Asked him to go to hospital but he pula refused. Make an agreement to him, if fever shot up will asked the mom to call ambulance so that GH will take his case seriously. He agreed and I'm happy I put some senses into him.

Sunday evening. His mom called. He was admitted into GH at 3.40am. Very high fever. Inflammation of the lungs I guess... coz after when GH gave him his oxygen supply, his fever went down. I really cry my heart out to see him bearing so much pain even with just a simple breath. I don't mind bearing half the pain for him but there's no way I can do that. Lord, give him all the strength to pull through no matter how small the % of survival is. When all drugs do not function to cure his lungs, only God can perform miracle. God heals. Amen.

I'm very depressed to see one fighting for his dear life and another person whom I don't know is trying her utmost best to commit suicide. Lord, why not just make that person who's trying so hard to die to take Shazmil's place? I don't think she mind swapping coz she's so eager to die. This is really the prayer that I make. Swap their places!!!!!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Not Any Better

He's deteriorating very fast. I was there around midnight hoping to see him sleeping peacefully. That wasn't the case then. He was vomitting his dinner. But after that he finds relieve of doing so... if not it'll be stuck in his stomach and he won't feel comfortable. He's fighting back his life. I pray that God will give all the energy and strength to fight and continue to live. Let him be a survivor eventhough he's in the last stage of cancer.

I don't mind losing students.. like they stop because of various reasons... but losing him this way... I can't seem to come to terms yet. There're just so many questions but nobody has the answers.

Monday, July 03, 2006

He Is Only A Boy....

I have been hearing him telling me about having stomach pain due to gastric. I never believed him as students who are lazy will always give excuses not to come for tuition. They can tell the cock and bull story about having buttache, stomachache, headache, sore eye, dizzy, fever and lots more. He has been telling me about it since last year but I brushed it off. I don't believe that every single week he'll be having stomachache.

There was once he told me how much he hated his mother because she divorced and married for the second time. I didn't know that was the most bitter episode in his life. His hatred turned into something destructive. Internally he's destroying himself without realizing it. He's just a boy who doesn't know how to vent out his frustration.

This year when he started telling me he's coughing out lumps of blood I had to call his mother to bring him to the hospital. He's one person who will tell me things which he's not happy about. Most of my students will tell me what they do not want their parents to know. I have lower down my level to relate to them. Basically I do that because I feel that it's better for them to talk to me than to talk to their peers who might give them the wrong information.

Last Tuesday, he went for a scope test to check whether he has any ulcer in the stomach. The test showed negative. But there was something wrong when the doctor touched the abdomen. Because General Hospital has a list of patients waiting to do CAT Scan, his mother took the effort to send him to Lam Wah Ee Hospital. The next day, he was admitted. I didn't know what happen coz' his younger brother told me that he had a growth in his stomach. Therefore, he needs to be operated immediately.

He was being operated on Thursday night, but he was only conscious on Saturday night. I went to see him. It really broke my heart to see such a lively, talkative and active boy lying on the hospital rendered helpless. He can't even move an inch of his body. His family members were not there so I asked the staff nurse about his condition. The nurse repeatly told me that she's not in the position to tell me anything. If it's only a growth then why can't I know? He told me he's in so much pain so I couldn't talk to him much. The clipboard with his details were on the table. I took a glance and saw something... he's given morphine. The strongest and the purest drug as painkiller. I called the mother at that moment. She asked me to go over to her place to explain things.

I can't stop crying when I hear it. I prayed to him in Jesus' name that he will be healed but it will take a very long journey. He's had prostate cancer where the surgeons have already removed whatever that was necessary. Because he kept it to himself for so long, the cancerous cells have spread into all the internal organs. His stomach has been destroyed... he can't take proper meals without feeling any pain, his lungs are badly affected. He's being quite breathless. His heart is the only organ left which is not attacked. I know it's within my power to do anything except to pray for him.

Janice and Karen, thanks for praying for him. He survived the critical night. Now I realized how powerful is this statement, "Let go and let God." I have to tell the mother how much hatred he has in his system. That night, I went with his mother again. His mother explained things to him and asked for his forgiveness. In order for his body to fight back the cancer, he has to let go of the unforgiving episode in his life. I really pray that he'll let go and he'll find the strength to fight it back.

For those who actually read my blog, please pray for him. His name is Mohd. Shazmil. Regardless of religion, please pray for him. He knows that I'm getting Christians to pray for him. To me there's only ONE GOD in this world. So, pray in whatever way you want. I just want him to keep on living. He's a good boy. Eventhough he lives in a lousy neighbourhood, he's not even involve in gangsterism. He's not even rough. He's nice with everybody.

God knows the best for him. If he has to go, I'll have to slowly absorb it into my system. He's in pain all the time. On Sunday, when I visited him, he's quite cheerful but after speaking to me for less than 5 words, he became breathless again. He's still smiling and I'm very happy to see that. At least there's some glow in his face. I'll never give up praying for him.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

What I Envy About Others....

When I'm relaxing, I usually go online and started clicking and reading other ppl's blogs through AL's blog.

No wonder blogs can bring negative impact to others and some can even cause depression. I'm quite jealous with other ppl's life. AL gets to go out with her friends practically everyday, spinning in her new car. Me leh... busy working and trying to hit my target. It makes me wonder why am I so motivated by money. As if money can buy everything! But then life goes on...

Janice is so lucky to be able to work yet hang out with friends. I'm quite disappointed that I didn't get to hang out more often with Janice and Karen. Scared of losing both of them as best friends if I continue not to make time to hang out with them. Then again, it makes me think... if anything happens to me, will my friends be by my side or I'll be left all alone?

Charng has the opportunity to splurge on her hair... RM500++ just for hairdo? I can't even afford a RM8 hair cut. Not to say can't afford but I'm stingy coz I earn every single sen through sweat and bruises. It's really hard earn cold cash. To spend away like that is a sin. I'm back to myself again and I'm not planning to go shopping anymore. I've never enjoy shopping but don't know what got to me a few months back to shop like nobody's business.

So many of them go clubbing like HC and Lin. Am I cut out to be that kinda person. I don't think so. And I rate myself as not being sociable at all.... *Sigh*. Clubbing is not my choice of activity to carry out. Drink away my hard earned money? I can't find myself doing that... so why am I complaining?

Abi, Irene, Pao, Li Yuin and so many of them get to study overseas and in the mean time tour in neighbouring countries... I'm wondering when can I do that. Tour the whole world and not to worry about money.... not to worry whether my business will survive the number of days I chose to close. I really envy their abilities to be able to study overseas and to travel.

Some friends said that I'm lucky coz' I don't have to work for people. And I am my own boss. Actually working for myself is very hard. Better work in offices where you get paid at the end of the month by hook or by crook. Don't have to care whether the overhead is too much to bear or whether business is good or bad. Just work 8 hours and go home. I work morning, cook in the afternoon... now want to cook also can't find the time. Extra time is used for sales... early evening got classes usually from 4pm I'll be busy straight up till 10pm. If there's anymore appointment it'll from 11pm until 1am.

This is not human work! More to a robot. I'm constantly reminding myself not to complain. But just need to vent out my frustrations. Shouldn't have jumped into working life so early. Looks like I'm stuck to it. Nowhere to run! Can't imagine myself working for people. I can't take orders from people... don't like to work for people.

I'm crapping a lot o'er here. Quite frustrated with life. Sometimes feel like dying earlier. Like exchanging life with another person who finds a reason to live yet couldn't make it due to health problems.

What Pissed Me Off!

I can't stand those who can't keep to appointments. Who do they think they are? Just because they are big bosses sitting on the big fat chairs, they can humiliate and even pretend that sales person are actually invisible!

The thing is I'm not even selling anything! Fucking idiot! If can't keep to appointments then don't make appointments... like being forced to make it. AARRGGHHH!!! I HATE THEM! Either keep to appointments or can just rudely say, "Go away! I don't have the time to meet the ikan bilis! I only deal with big shots!"

AARRRGHHH!! Even my upline can't keep to his appointment. I wonder whether these people go to school last time and learn about the value of being truthful and keeping to their on words. So far, right until this very moment, the ratio of truthful people to untruthful people is 50:1. Damn all of you who are like that!

Or should I correct myself by saying that, "This is life! Nobody will keep to their words, so what's the big deal?"

Maybe I the one left who really try to be punctual all the time and keep to my words! Stupid me! Vulgarities are at the binge of my lips! I feel like breaking people's necks right now! Burn their tongue for talking for the sake of talking only. Big shots feel that they are too big and too busy to meet anybody. Why not try to flash back to their own life a decade or two ago? I believe that mostly started from a humble beginning. Many started from scratch to build their empires. But why after being successful, this is how they treat people. Maybe that's the treatment they got last time.

Okay.. I'm not that angry anymore. So look at a more positive angle. I get to learn about people's behaviour and I don't have to study that in university. I get first hand training on how to deal with people. I can gladly announce that I'm a graduate from University of Hard Knocks in finance management, business management, mass communication and human behaviour.

Eh, nobody attends my convocation. Ooppss! Haven't finish studying.. Ish!! Have to study until I decided to stop! I just hope that I won't turn out to be like them when I consider myself successful....

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Happy Mother's Day - 14th May 2006

Father's Day is around the corner but my entry is about Mother's Day. I have been so busy until I don't have time to spend on blogging. It really takes a lot of time to keep my blogs up to date. I always have no idea how to celebrate mother's day but on that 14th of May 2006, I did something last minute. I brought my mom to a Japanese restaurant. Yeah, if any of you read my previous entry, your guess is as good it should be Soba Yoshi but then all of us ended up here...

Jurin is situated next to Siriwan Restaurant. My sis wanted to go to Siriwan but she warned me that she had ate until she cried because the food was just too spicy. I told myself if she ate until she cried, I think my whole body will blow up like a volcano. Therefore, the last decision was to go to the Japanese Restaurant. I got to make the decision because I'm paying for the food. Hehehe! Sis said she doesn't really fancy Japanese food but in the end she ordered a really exquisite and expensive dish.

The salmon sushi. Raw salmon. Not cooked. Mom's face turned green. She was forced to eat the first piece then she willingly took the second piece, the third and it went on and on. Mom wanted to ask for more but we ordered a few more dishes too. The taste of this sushi was just too luscious (I'm not talking about sexually attractive women). Luscious means having a pleasing rich, sweet taste; its delectable, mouth-watering, scrumptious, scrummy and YUMMY! I have used all the adjectives to describe how delicious the dish was.

Some people cannot stand the smell of raw salmon so this dish comes with that green stuff you can see at the corner of the serving box. But my crazy sis asked for more and she finished up the whole plate of that green chlorophyll....

Oh!! It's not chlorophyll, not cream for cake's topping but wasabi. From the Oxford Dictionary, wasabi is a Japanese plant with a thick green root which tastes like strong horseradish and is used in cookery. Ugh! The gas ran right up the nose and I can't find words to describe the experience of having to taste wasabi. I wonder how my sis can coat her sushi in this green stuff. She even licked her chopsticks with wasabi dipping. ARGH!

The dish on the left was solely made of patotoes which were flown in from Japan. In fact all the meat, seafood and ingredients were specially flown in from Japan. That deep-fried patotoes had very fine texture which melted in your mouth once combined with amylase enzyme. Very filling. I was half full when the third dish was served. It was soft-shelled crabs. Well, the third dish wasn't that mouth-watering coz' it was just too salty. I don't really like food with too much salt used in the cooking.

The fourth dish was the best to me... (drum rolls) TA - DA!

Bean curd with soy sauce!

I must admit that lately I've fallen in love with bean curd. I just don't know why. I used to hate bean curd... tau kua.... tau hu.... I hate all of them but now I'm just so crazy over them. I can't help but order a dish of bean curd whenever I eat out.... and obviously I must have squid or prawns. Used to love chicken meat but don't find the kick anymore.

We were all too full to move but still have to get up and walked to the car. Bill please, waitress! Aaaahhhh!! All of practically screamed out loud when another dish came. None of us remembered that mom ordered something else just to try out. That dish was just too big for us to consume....

That bowl of noodles tasted horrible, disgusting and YUCKY! The broad noodles tasted like flour and flour and so much rice flour. The soup.... ish! Tepuk dahi! I also know how to prepare. I can even teach all of you how to prepare. Buy a packet of Maggi Mi, take the packet containing the chicken flavour for the soup and then YES!(#*&#)&)(@#$^*@ You got that that right. It tasted exactly like the Maggi Chicken Flavoured Noodle.

In conclusion, all of us had a hearty meal and I'm rushing off to Mobile Money meeting. Have to go home! Can move or cannot move also must lift up that heavy butt of mine.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Crazy over Japanese Food

I've never like Japanese food simply because I've never tasted them and I know that I don't like sushi or simply known as the whole set of 'maki'... Then one day since I've nothing better to try out, I decided to walk into this restaurant in Krystal Point, Kampung Jawa....

First impression is very important. The restaurant is very clean and everything is well arranged.

Very unique pair of chopsticks and also icy cold towels.... It's the first time I stepped my foot into a Japanese restaurant... when I opened the menu my eyes nearly popped out! The price for teppanyaki is just too high.... that's to my opinion but looks like time is changing fast.... nowadays nobody will complain eventhough a bowl of noodle costs RM5... what not teppanyaki with a few slices of fish, squid and prawn which cost at least RM45... everybody is enjoying themselves with the delicious dishes served..

I don't know how you call this dish... a welcoming dish or to warm up your mouth while waiting for the main dish to come. That was a wonderful small dish of radish which tasted both sweet and salty, covering the bitterness... very well done!

That platter of fried squid with the Japanese brewed soy sauce was just superb. I have never tasted anything so mouth-watering before. Dip with butter or was that mayonnaise.. Damn! I can't remember. I just wanted to have more of the squid but cholesterol very high. The strips of cabbage tasted wonderful as well with that special sauce. I will not complain about the price if they charged me RM100 for that squid I'll keep my mouth shut and pay them.

WooooHHHOOOOOooo!!!! A whole plate of deep-fried seafood. There were huge prawns, fish fillet, crab meat sticks and even slices of deep-fried cucumbers... eh! Since when cucumbers are classified under seafood... Never mind as long as I have big prawns to eat, add a few slices of cucumbers should be okay. OoohhhH! That bowl of soy sauce tasted so delicious. It's not too salty and I can even drink it until it's dry. Jakun! I really salute the Japanese, they can have such small plates of everything yet they can be full. If really Japanese in Japan have such small servings I think I won't be working instead I'll be eating my hearts out or even better I might even eat until my pockets are empty... then wash dishes for the restaurant. Hahaha! Soba Yoshi, you're in my list of great dishes and I'm recommending it to every Japanese food lover!