I've read so many books where at the last moment, people cried out to God," Lord, save me." I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't even look up and reach out to Him. The numbered posts written is my last effort to save myself from drowning. In my desperate attempt to find God, He didn't answer me. The line is dead at the other end. I'm quiet but there's no answer.
I'm not knocking at God's door anymore. I'm banging it so hard I wonder whether I bang at the wrong door.... or is it the wrong place... wrong time... everything wrong?
People says God's in your heart, but my heart is so empty. The spirit is dry.
Photos are very deceiving. I smile automatically in front of the camera. I've finally learn that placing happy comments in facebook with 'hahahaha' and 'hehehehe' do not resemble a happy emotion because I can do that while crying with so much sadness.
Dying seems to be an easy way out, but it's a selfish way. I envy those who sleep and never wake up again. That's easier. *sigh* I'm sleeping earlier and earlier... I still have to finish the cross-stitch that I've started since 10 years back and I really need to finish it as not to disappoint the person I'm stitching to.
GOD, WHERE ARE YOU??!!
WHY AM I STILL THINKING FOR SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING THRU?
Finish up the cross-stitch.
What to cook for their lunch?
Their exam coming.
And I have to go work now!
The weekends are packed.
My June holiday has been filled up FULL!
Is it so hard to leave this world?