He Knows My Heart's Desire...

You have searched me, LORD,

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you, LORD, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand—

when I awake, I am still with you.

If only you, God, would slay the wicked!

Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!

They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,

and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139

I have always like books. Whenever I go to the shopping mall, the bookstores will be the place where I'll hang out for hours and hours. Sometimes I'll end up sitting there and finishing up the whole book. Two weeks ago, when I was in Popular Bookstore, I saw at least 6 - 7 books that I would love to have. I was just thinking about how great it is if I can have so many books stored in the drawer where I keep all my books, then whenever I am free and lazing around, I can read them. Those books together with the books which I borrowed from the church library can keep me occupied for many days, or even months. Buying all those books at once will cost at least RM200 and with that same amount of money, I can keep the kitchen cabinet, refrigerator and freezer filled with food stuff that can last for 2 weeks, feeding all my children. One must spend wisely although I know I can afford to buy all those books.

Last Sunday, mom called me a few times but don't know what's wrong with my pda. I didn't receive the earlier calls, then mom said I must get home because she has a surprise for me. A surprise indeed. Mama went to Straits Quay doing charity work and saw a stall selling story books and since she didn't know how to choose the books, she bought a few. Two 3-in-1 books and another book which was quite interesting after I read the synopsis. All in all I have 7 books. And the thing is I didn't even pray about it. I was just having a discussion with myself most of the time. Hubby just said buy the books if I really want them. Well... my Father in Heaven knows better and He definitely knows how to surprise me. He knows it all...

In another different incident, there was a day my hubby forgot to give me my morning call. I jumped out of bed 10 minutes before my class started. I was quite angry that he actually forgot to call me in the morning like usual. I was thinking to myself that I should get an alarm clock that's so loud it can wake the whole neighbourhood. The thing is I do have two alarm clocks. One was so loud but I don't know what's wrong with me, I made that alarm clock snooze for one solid hour and it's so loud, my neighbours were cursing me from downstairs and upstairs. I broke it when I stepped on it. Another alarm clock gave up on me. It rang until its voice broke. I have a mute alarm clock now.

The next day, God placed a mynah on my window nearest to my bed. The little mynah has such high pitch chirping voice and it chirped in a sing-song voice exactly at the time when I was supposed to wake up. On Thursday that I had to wake up an hour earlier, it chirped at that time, too. It was so amazing but I did a grave mistake. I scolded that mynah in my heart, saying that it's so irritating that I wished it would keep quiet and stay away from my window. The next day, there was no more chirping and right until today, I truly regretted it. No doubt the mynah still sleeps outside my window every night, but in the morning, it won't chirp anymore. *sigh* I should be thankful...