Saturday, January 28, 2012

Dedicated to the Asshole in La France...

Let me be clear with this. I'm not running down anyone's business but when you offended me deeply on my birthday, you asked for it yourself. First of all, it was a surprise birthday lunch for me so I had no idea where were we. Having been to many cafes and restaurants, the usual greetings will be a joyful shout of 'Welcome' and if there's anyone celebrating birthday, there will be a loud birthday cheer. Sad to say, the moment I removed my blindfold, I was greeted with a sour faced Chinese lady, the wife of this Frenchman who spoiled all our happy and cheerie mood on my birthday.We're loud. We share our contagious laughter and we have our musical giggles. We can laugh down the whole building and laughter is the best medicine not that we need medicine but that Frenchman who served us and happened to own this little cafe La France, needed a big dosage of laughter as his medicine. Have you ever heard of service with a smile? If you seriously have such constipated face and you hate serving customers, please change your job. Shut down the cafe and go live in the cave. We have lots of caves in Malaysia especially in Ipoh. Just take the next bus and leave. How has he offended us you may ask. As he knows that we're celebrating birthday, so it will be a joyous occasion which come with high noise level. It's not noise. It's happiness... the joy of the Lord... joyous... but this man came and asked us NOT TO SHOUT... WE'RE TOO LOUD... WE HAVE TO KEEP QUIET~! Keep quiet on such wonderful occasion? Dear sir, have you ever celebrated your own birthday before? If you have been going through some hard times don't be such an asshole to those who are paying you so that your cafe will keep flourishing. If you have a quarrel with your wife, as both of you have such constipated faces, please bring it to the bedroom and screamed it out loud, but please smile to your customers even with your gritted teeth. And if you do not want anyone to celebrate birthday at your depressed cafe, shouldn't you have let my friend know when she went to reserve a place for a birthday lunch? You want our money but you treated us like we're useless shit... the reason why none of us gave you a piece of our mind is because, especially I, think you have such depressed live that you have to share your bitterness even with your customers.
We know contagious laughter, but I think you have a bitter viral infection. Your bitterness caused us to feel so unhappy and reluctant to introduce your place to any of our friends, we have lovely friends who are always laughing, but since your place do not allow laughter, please state so at your entrance BE SILENT! NO LAUGHTER~! Do you think you are operating a library or a cafe, a place to enjoy good food and good company? WHo are we disturbing when there's no one there? Even if people from outside can hear us, do you think we're brainless? The street is EMPTY~! Por favor~!! The last time I called someone an asshole, he's Dr. J Lo... yesterday, on my birthday, I met the biggest asshole in the whole entire universe.

Do you not know how to oblige to your customer when I asked you nicely whether you can snap a group photo for us? What did that depressed man answer? In such a rude way. NO I'M VERY BUSY. Please, if you have no talent in serving others, please do go and visit Fullhouse in Times Square or just stop by at Nandos. The manager at Fullhouse, Times Square, walked out with the cake in hand and two waitresses singing birthday song to my mother. If we expect you to bring out the cake in a lovely platter you would have tell us over our dead bodies. How did you bring my cake out? In such a hurry that you make it seem like you wanted us to cut the cake and fled the place. My friend didn't even ask for the cake to be taken out yet. You spoil my second surprise, ASSHOLE~!!! Go to Fullhouse or Nandos to learn something good. They will show you how to welcome a customer. Shame on you~!

To the wife I asked, can we sing birthday song? Her reply... YES BUT NOT TOO LOUDLY. JUST NOW ALL OF YOU WERE TOO LOUD UNTIL YOU CAN BE HEARD FROM THE OUTSIDE. Oh, please... shut down your cafe and go live high up in the mountain with the baboons and monkeys where there's no noise. Such bitter couple. Do you need to attend marriage counseling? You can come to our churches. The pastors will be able to help you. And if you're having problems in serving, you can hire those Bangladeshi workers who can serve BETTER than any of you. IF you're so busy and you need a hand, go hire more helpers. My mama always says that you can't earn every single cent yourself. You should go and visit Swensen's. Their managers are all Bangladeshi who are so polite, you can't even find them anywhere. Even those working at construction sites know politeness.

Don't be such a pain in the ass. You really hurt my feelings and I'm still fuming right until now and it's already in the middle of the night. You don't even know how to thank your customers. Thank God your wife knows how to help us take our photos or else we would have blasted you two to Timbuktu. Please, do yourself a favour, shut it down, the food is good but your services is so lousy even in the nasi kandar resttaurants with migrant Indian workers, they served customers better, with their smiles. Have you heard of service with a smile. A smile doesn't cost you a single cent. Don't be so stingy with your smile. If you don't like to serve Chinese, your wife is a Chinese. If you don't like happy people as your customers, please go and conduct funerals where people cry... and they cry loudly. I wonder whether you will ask them to keep quiet, cry softly.

You spoil my birthday... you owe me an apology. But such stuck up people like you will never apologize. We regretted going to your place no doubt the food is nice. Bitterness is worse than cancer. It goes deep and you will rot from the inside out and the stench will contaminate the entire area. If you don't like Malaysia, please go back to your country. Since you're here in Malaysia for so long, have you not learn anything from our Malaysian background where we strive in friendliness? Learn your manners, please. Learn how to greet customers with "WELCOME", "PLEASE" and "THANK YOU". NO MANNERS AT ALL... If you want quiet customers, please state it clearly with black and white notice on the wall... WE ONLY ALLOW CUSTOMERS WHO CAN'T LAUGH, WHO DON'T LAUGH, UNHAPPY ONES AND NON-TALKING CUSTOMERS. ALL THOSE WHO TALK LOUDLY, LAUGH HEARTILY AND NEED HELP IN SNAPPING GROUP PHOTOS, PLEASE DO NOT ENTER'. Doesn't that sound better? At least it's clear so people like us will not even go a kilometre near such unfriendly cafe. If you think you need more training in serving customers, please go get some experience by working in McDonald's. If you need anti-depressant, we have a doctor in our midst. If you need to learn how to smile, get to know Jesus~! The grace of God will set you free... you're so tied up... and I'll remember La France for all my life, the one and only place who spoil my birthday when we were so happy and excited. The true reason why I didn't want to scream at your constipated face was because I do not want to look silly talking to a social pariah... Yes, you're a social pariah to me. I've never categorised anyone but you hurt me so deeply with all your rude ways of handling customers, I can't help it but call you a pariah.

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