Saturday, February 12, 2011

Being S.U.I.C.I.D.A.L.

How many people have actually spoken to a person who says he/she wants to end his/her life? Any of you who always give comments here and there as if you know what is in the head of those who have suicide thoughts know next to nothing. Shut up and don't make yourself look like you know it all. Categorizing people who are suicidals as someone hopeless and useless. What do you all really know? Nothing... even the psychiatrists know nothing. The patterns might be the same. The symptoms might show. Most won't have any signs to show.

If I were to scream out loud that I want to commit suicide tonite, how will people respond? The answer is no response at all because looking at my life, those who live in my Facebook will know that I have a really good life. I simply do not meet the criteria of those who will want to commit suicide. I just don't fit into that group of people. Until I really show up in the front page of the newspaper with this blog post, it will blow off the minds of many people.
If the psychiatrists were to go to those who were about to take their own lives and question them of their actions, they will find no answer to why we would take such a big leap to end our lives. It takes a lot of strength to walk up to the top and take a free fall. The subconscious mind rules the conscious mind. It is very difficult to talk a person out of committing suicide.

I'm a happy-go-lucky person, free-spirited, laughing all the way through and smiling every minute. You know, some people have those sad face, but I have a smiley face. Even when I'm not smiling, my lips curl up at both ends. Contemplating suicide... I have thoughts of that and my psychiatrist term me as a schizophrenic, then after some time, he decided that I do not fit into the category thus, he gave me another term to describe me. I became one with Bipolar Disorder Type 2. When he put some thought and think that bipolar does not really describe me, he has no idea what to term me anymore.

No matter how much a person put a warning in Facebook to commit suicide, no amount of attention will be able to stop that person from taking his/her own life. It's the love of God who can penetrate through the hardened heart. A heart that is so hard sometimes God seems to be so far away. It's not God who is angry with me, but I'm angry with God that's why I turned away from Him.

Sometimes a person has no one to turn to and takes the irreversible leap, sometimes there are so many people surrounding us that we feel suffocated, we feel no love. A place to vent our frustration. I have my blog. Some people have nowhere to turn to. I want to be alone at times. Completely alone but I'm surrounded by people most of the time. Sometimes there are no words to desribe how we feel. It's in a melancholic state that even tears could not describe how sad the soul is. A soul so lost that it feels so disconnected from the body. Will you able to understand that? You'll be saying I'm out of my mind writing all this... that's how confuse a person who has the tendency to commit suicide is... give a person a glimmer of hope. Such small flicker of hope will help. Questions like why and why and why will cause more harm. Daring a person to do it... can you live with that? Imagine your last word hanging in the comment box, daring that person to jump and that person really jumps... can you live with that?

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