Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I'm Of No Cure...

He's everything that I am not. He is very patient with me when I'm impatient with everything and everybody. I'm the type people call a hurried person. I hurry people in everything. I am cranky and always take him as my punching bag. I'm a horrible person but he's always by my side. I don't do housework because he does it all. I have no idea how to operate a washing machine and I've never wash a single piece of clothing in my life, not even the smallest piece of innerwear. School holidays mean I take off from cooking and he does all the cooking and the cleaning while I eat and criticize about the meal. Oh, how ungrateful I am. I shudder to think about how terrible I am.

He's always up to my whims and fancies. My every demand is met without a complain yet, I complain at every single imperfect moments. I'm a perfectionist but now I realize that I'm far from perfect myself.

He has always been around but I've always run away. I run away when things didn't go my way. There are some who fret that their man will walk out on them, but in my case, I'm the one always running. I'm a girl with a free spirit. I'm afraid of commitment. I'm afraid to be tied down and never see my freedom again. I am wrong. He gives me all the freedom that I wanted. He gives me my own breathing space yet, I dragged him to do everything with me without asking first.

There are many things which I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of babies. Very afraid of them. One loud cry will send me off running again. I cannot picture myself in a happy close-knit family because I never have one. Am I happy... I'm not even sure. There's only one thing in my mind... run...

I'm a selfish person. I don't fit into anybody's mould yet, I want people to fit into mine. He fitted neatly. He even sings out loud the songs that's playing melodiously in my mind. It has happened so many times that I'm amazed by the action of him singing the tune that's only playing in my head.

I don't know how you're going to tame a wild horse. Please don't let me run... I'm tired of running.

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