You remember our confession on the second nite in Kuching. About how we so often backslide. Instead of charging forward to read God's Words somehow or other we make ourselves busy with other things. I'm online practically whenever I'm free. I know what Josephine was talking about and you know that, too. We will do any nonsense to replace the quiet time for reading His Words.I backslided very badly. As in very very bad. I no longer write any numbered posts or anything that has to do with the Bible. I couldn't even bring myself to hold the Bible and flip it open. I just refuse to touch it. I'm so disconnected with God. I'm angry with God regarding some issues. How do you want me to tell you this? I'm so stubborn not as a mule but worse than a mule. The Bible class that I'm conducting, I left all of them high and dry. I'm suppose to guide them but I falter so badly I don't even know how to pick myself up. I'm sorry if I make you worry. I'm so sorry to let you get stuck in between. It has nothing to do with you or anybody. Everything has to do with me. I'm my own problem. I wanted so much to be like last time, but I can't even find the grip to pull myself up. It's like wall climbing... I can't hang on to it. I slipped and fall further down. Do you understand what I'm saying? No, I don't feel like talking about it on the phone or in person. I can't do face-to-face talk... I'll crumble into tears within a minute.
Love you, Ju...
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